Time to Live

July 3rd marked a year since my world changed. Since I changed. July 3 2019 I learned of the breast cancer diagnosis. I never say my or own the diagnosis or the cancer. It is not me. It is not mine. It is nothing that I wanted to own. I think it is important to be careful with your words and thoughts because your body and mind are listening. So for the past year I was fighting. I was healing. I was doing all of the things to help strengthen my body to process the trauma and to release it. All of it. I had years of trauma built up and hidden in my body. I worked hard to release all of that too. 

 I learned so many lessons in this past year. My eyes were opened to how I was merely surviving life and allowing life to happen to me. I woke up to how I showed up in my life and sometimes how I failed to show up. I reached out to others to validate me and my self love. I was led by fear in most of my decision making. I thought that my looks made me lovable. I felt that I needed to sacrifice my wants and needs in order to keep people from leaving. I lived in an endless circle of the same stories with different faces. Unfortunately, it took a cancer diagnosis to wake me up. To rattle me to open my eyes, my heart. I wasn't living. 

July 4th 2020 marks a new beginning. It is now time to live. I've "survived" much of my life. I don't want to survive anymore. I want to Love. I want to Laugh. Live. Grow. Dream the Life I have always wanted into reality. Live the life I have always dreamt of. I deserve it. We all do. Life and God wants us to thrive. I no longer believe my limiting thoughts. They are simply that. Thoughts. My thoughts aren't reality. All we have is this moment. Now. And now. And now. Today, I am healthy, abundant, a source of Divine Beauty, Grace and I am full of gratitude for it all. 

I have dreamt of being a writer ever since I can remember. I have journals upon journals of poems and writing dating back to when I was 10 or 11. I am in love with words. With books. With poetry. It was always a dream of mine to write for Vogue. Combining my love of words and fashion. I held this thought, this untrue thought, that I wasn't a good enough writer. I have book ideas that I have had for years and I had been saddled with fear that I couldn't even begin to think of starting those books. All false beliefs. Beliefs that kept me small. Now I think, "Why not me?!" and really... why not me?  I am a writer. I have experience, strength and hope to share. I am creative. I am enough. Who am I to not share my gifts and words with the world? So, this year the Pheonix has risen from the Ashes and is ready to soar. It is time to Live.