Today Marks a Year

One year ago today I was in a Kaiser doctors office with my parents, my then boyfriend (now husband) and one of my best friends. I got the call 3 days before (the one that makes your heart skip a beat. The world stop. The call that changes your life), "I'm so sorry to tell you, but the cells that we tested came back cancerous". As I sit in the doctors office waiting for the doctor, one that I've never met, I just keep hoping that there is some "good" news awaiting me. Maybe they were mistaken. The doctor comes in and the only words I remember hearing were, "triple negative breast cancer. The most aggressive of the breast cancers". I couldn't breathe. I looked at my Mom. She was doing her best to put on her brave strong face, but there were tears sneaking out of her eyes. I then looked over to my Dad. His face red and for the 4th time in my life, I watched my Father cry. My boyfriend, Daniel, held my hand. My best friend was the strong one for all of us. Taking notes and asking the questions Unfortunately, she had just walked this path with her Mom. (Thankfully, her Mom made it through and is healthy and well today.) Once the details were delivered she suggested that the next step be surgery on the 10th. In 7 days. So, in 6 days I needed to decide what type of surgery that I wanted; a lumpectomy or mastectomy. Oh, and it was also the 4th of July weekend so no second opinions, no inquiries to other doctors. It all felt so rushed. I was terrified. Panicked. It just didn't feel right to make such a big decision in such a short amount of time. I needed time. Time to find a team that would help me navigate this. Time to to the fear quiet down so that I could make choice that weren't rooted in that fear. Time to freeze eggs. Time to build my strength. Thank God I listened to my gut. I pushed the surgery back. I got a second, third, fourth and fifth opinion. I met with 3 different surgical oncologists, 5 oncologists and found an amazing holistic cancer center in Orange County. 

On August 16th I started my first round of chemo. I chose to do chemo first because it gave me time to wrap my head around what surgery I felt was right for me. It gave me time to do genetic testing to see if I carried any of the genetic mutations. I found out that I carry the BRCA 1 mutation. (a whole other post can be written about that). My oncologist was also able to see how the tumor was reacting to the chemo. On top of chemo, I also did Vitamin C IVs once a week, Mistletoe IVs twice a week, completely changed my diet, took a boat load of supplements daily, infrared sauna, ozone therapy, acupuncture, holistic therapy, and reiki. I built a team of amazing healers to help me navigate this in a way that felt comfortable for me.  I worked and still work with an integrative oncologist, a healer, a naturopath, a life coach, a mind body healer/coach, a wellness specialist, and doctors at the Cancer Center for healing. The time from diagnosis to the first round of chemo I was led to all of these amazing people that would help carry me through this. I feel so blessed and grateful for every single one of them. 

Over the next 7 months I would undergo 3 surgeries, (egg retrieval, port placement and a double mastectomy) and 6 rounds of intense chemo. The last chemo I demanded it be cut short because I was on the bathroom floor shaking and dry heaving. My body couldn't take anymore. I wore Penguin Cold Caps during my chemo which meant longer chemo days, but that I would be able to keep a good amount of my hair. I still lost a lot of it, but I must say that not going bald helped my mental state immensely. I didn't look like a "cancer patient" or "sick". I did start to look "sick around my last chemo. I lost my eyebrows and my eyelashes. I started to have that grey tinge to my skin. I did my best to keep some semblance of my normal life through it all. I continued to workout throughout treatment. I even went to Disneyland 3 times. Thankfully I have amazing friends and family who supported and carried me through. They pushed me forward when I didn't know how to get through the next minute. They showed up for me in ways that I will never be able to repay. I will be forever grateful. 

Today, a year later, I am cancer free. I had my final Lupron (hormones) shot this past Tuesday. I still do vitamin IV's weekly and continue to take a boat load of vitamins. I'm building my physical strength. I'm rebuilding my body down to the mitochondria. I'm a different person. You don't go through something like this and come out the other side the same. I am so grateful for my strength, my body and my life. I'm grateful to all of the healers I worked and work with. I'm grateful to all of the people who checked in, rooted me on and loved me through the journey. It's amazing how much life can change in one year.